JOE GRUBE

• 8:10 PM · Latest bulletin

  Reward fund now holds one (1) untouched Mr. Pink, going warm in evidence at Bar Ted.

• 7:30 PM

  Martine (spouse) observed enjoying the remote and the silence. "No comment." The Bureau notes: it's always the spouse.

• 7:00 PM

  Reports of a man kissing a baby in an undisclosed jurisdiction. Description matches. The baby was unavailable for comment.

• 6:20 PM

  An abandoned glass of Mr. Pink, still cold, recovered near the potluck. Mr. Grube never abandons Mr. Pink. Foul play not ruled out.

• 5:30 PM

  A Grube-like figure seen at the World Cup final, working a crowd that is not his own, explaining offside to strangers. Interpol notified.

• 4:15 PM

  Subject cited "a trial." The Bureau requested the docket. None exists.

• 3:40 PM

  The Mayor has failed to appear at Camp Cash. Constituent services have halted. No baby has been kissed in over an hour.

• Martinethe spouse

  Bureau protocol: always check the spouse. Mrs. Grube stands to gain from the Mayor’s absence — the remote, the closet, custody of the rosé. Stated alibi: “finally, some peace and quiet.”

  Suspect — motive: obvious.

  Status: not ruled out
• Jamiethe “getaway”

  A long-rumored plan has Jamie and the Mayor absconding together. Jamie is, conveniently, also difficult to locate. The Bureau isn’t saying it’s a romantic escape. The Bureau is saying: check the airports.

  Status: not ruled out.

  Status: not ruled out
• Tedthe proprietor & Deputy Mayor. The prime suspect.

  Ted has always been #2 — right below the Mayor — and with Grube gone, he is first in line to assume the office. Means, motive, opportunity: (1) the Mayor’s large unpaid rosé tab, (2) the Mayoralty itself. Cui bono? Ted benefits. Owns the crime scene. Suspiciously prepared — the sash already fits. Insists he is “merely a humble public servant answering the call of duty.”

  The Bureau is not saying it was a coup. The Bureau is saying: it was a coup.

  Status: not ruled out

The subject is a known master of disguise and is considered charming. He may be operating on the festival grounds under any of the following identities. Do not be deceived. It is him.

• Surveillance image
  — pending release
  Surveillance image pending release.

  JOE “GATOR” GRUBE

  the tracksuit

  Full tracksuit, zipped to the chin, regardless of temperature. Answers to “Gator.” The Bureau asked why. He said, “you know why.” The Bureau does not know why.

• Surveillance image
  — pending release
  Surveillance image pending release.

  THE POSTMAN

  first-class fugitive

  Presents as a postal worker. If he asks you to sign for something, do not sign. There is no package. There never was. The Bureau has written to him directly; every letter comes back marked RETURN TO SENDER — in his own handwriting.

• Surveillance image
  — pending release
  Surveillance image pending release.

  CABANA GUY

  the resort presence

  Operates wherever shade is available. Offers towels that are not his to offer. If he asks whether you have “tried the frozen one,” do not answer. Signal an agent.

• Surveillance image
  — pending release
  Surveillance image pending release.

  THE DEMON

  the high roller

  Suave. Unhurried. Wins improbably. If he offers to let it ride, do not let it ride. The house always wins. He is not the house. He wins anyway.

• The Camp Cash ChronicleMAYOR MISSING: CAMP CASH LEFT LEADERLESS
• The Camp Cash Chronicle“WHO WILL KISS THE BABIES?” A SHAKEN CITY ASKS
• Mountain West DeskWITNESSES PLACE GRUBE IN BILLINGS; OTHER WITNESSES PLACE HIM TWIRLING
• MetroCONSTITUENT SERVICES SUSPENDED; ABANDONED ROSÉ THE ONLY WITNESS
• City Hall BureauDEPUTY MAYOR ASSUMES CONTROL “RELUCTANTLY”; TAB VOIDED HOURS LATER

Prefer the phone? Call the tip line at (754) FIND-JOE — (754) 346-3563. The line is monitored in connection with the ongoing search. You have the right to remain a regular.

Records request? See Records Request No. 0009 (transcript, tip line, menu option 9).